Weird Quotes: A Curious Collection to Tickle Your Funny Bone

Everybody needs a little levity in their lives, and sometimes a quirky quote can do just the trick to brighten your day. Weird quotes may seem strange at first, but they have a unique way of showing us our sense of humor while still being inspirational. So go ahead and embrace the oddness of these peculiar quotes!

Quote List 1 – 25

In this section, we’ll be showing you a selection of 25 weird and funny quotes from famous people that covers topics like art, marriage, parenting, laughter, and some simple advice on life.

1. The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. — Salvador Dalí
2. Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit. — Billy Connolly
3. Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. — John Wilmot
4. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. — Terry Pratchett
5. The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. — Lucille Ball
6. I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. — Bill Cosby
7. An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors, says, ‘So far so good!’ — Anonymous
8. Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children. — Bill Hicks
9. A man’s only as old as the woman he feels. — Groucho Marx
10. A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.” — Conan O’Brien  

Take a moment to enjoy some more quotes that tickle your funny bone.

11. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? — Robin Williams
12. Ever notice how irons have a setting for ‘permanent’ press? — Steven Wright
13. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b—-. — Rich Jeni
14. If anything is worth doing, it’s worth doing slowly. — Mae West  
15. When life gives you lemons, get a life! — Jerry Seinfeld
16. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. — Steven Wright  
17. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. — John Wayne
18. Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be. — Eleanor Roosevelt
19. When two people are under the influence of the most violent, insane, delusive, and transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition until death do them part. — George Bernard Shaw
20. I think I’ve discovered the secret of life—you just hang around until you get used to it. — Charles Schulz

Lastly, ponder on these quirky words of wisdom.

21. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. — Jack Handey
22. Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century. — Dame Edna Everage
23. Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. — Bill Watterson
24. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. — Steven Wright
25. Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. — Dr. Benjamin Spock

We hope these quotes have brought you some laughter and brightened your day. Enjoy them, share them, and remember to keep a light attitude toward life.

Quote List 26 – 50

Here is a collection of weird quotes from various personalities ranging from comedians to writers. Some of the quotes are funny, others are just plain strange. Check them out and enjoy!

1. “You don’t need no crystal ball, don’t fall for a magic wand. We humans got it all, we perform the miracles.” – Dolly Parton
2. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott (The Office)
3. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombeck
4. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” – Mae West
5. “Why do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” – Betty White
6. “All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
7. “Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” – Rita Mae Brown
8. “In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher
9. “Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” – Paula Poundstone
10. “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.” – Tina Fey

Here are ten more quirky quotes to make your day a little brighter:

11. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams
12. “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
13. “The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.” – Alan Alda
14. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
15. “I can’t imagine a person becoming a success who doesn’t give this game of life everything he’s got.” – Walter Cronkite
16. “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road.” – Henry Ward Beecher
17. “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston Churchill
18. “I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” – Rod Stewart
19. “There’s an ethernet cable on the floor of my room. I tripped on it, and the cute guy next door saved me. I’m naming my first-born after him.” – Jimmy Fallon
20. “Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.” – N.F. Simpson

We hope these quotes added a touch of peculiar humor to your day. Share them with your friends and enemies alike, and spread the laughter.

Quote List 51 – 75

Here’s a friendly selection of quotes focusing on various topics, including money, work, quiet, parenting, aging, food, and friendship. We’ve also included quotes from famous personalities like Charles M. Schulz, Rodney Dangerfield, Rita Rudner, George Bernard Shaw, Graham Norton, and Mindy Kaling. Enjoy these quotes in a casual tone, written in English, just for you!

1. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. – Bob Hope
2. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen
3. I love the sound of you not talking. – Unknown
4. Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot
5. You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old. – George Burns
6. Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. – Mark Twain
7. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz
8. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. – Rodney Dangerfield
9. I became a vegetarian out of a love for animals, and I’ve been eating like an animal ever since. – Rita Rudner
10. There is no sincerer love than the love of food. – George Bernard Shaw
11. Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it’s your choice to either scream or enjoy the ride. – Graham Norton
12. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. – Dr. Seuss
13. I can always make you smile but not always keep you happy. – Unknown
14. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail, but your best friend is the one sitting next to you. – Unknown
15. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. – Mary Engelbreit
16. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. – Earl Wilson
17. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable. – Clare Boothe Luce
18. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. – Milton Friedman
19. Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. – Bill Cosby
20. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Mark Twain
21. 98% of the time I am right, why worry about the other 3%. – Unknown
22. The only thing that spoils shopping horribly is giving someone else your money to do it for you. – Unknown
23. The best way to predict your future is to create it. – Peter Drucker
24. Dave Ramsey said that you should live like nobody else so that later, you can live like nobody else. – Dave Ramsey
25. There is no better sound than the sound of someone who’s supposed to be quiet but can’t stop laughing. – Mindy Kaling

With these amusing quotes, you can find inspiration, laughter, and food for thought. Keep them in mind as you navigate life’s ups and downs, cherishing the wisdom and wit behind each one.

Quote List 76 – 100

In this section, you’ll find a list of 20 weird and funny quotes related to various topics, including marriage, education, and aging. Use these quotes to bring a smile to your face and share them with your friends for a good laugh.

76. “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.” – W.C. Fields
77. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
78. “The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.” – Salvador Dalí
79. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
80. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein
81. “Trust but verify.” – Ronald Reagan
82. “It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.” – Harry Hill
83. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
84. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain
85. “Life teaches you how to live it, if you live long enough.” – Tony Bennett
86. “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” – Robert A. Heinlein
87. “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” – Robin Williams
88. “Here’s some advice: at a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” – Adam Gopnik
89. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
90. “To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.” – Mark Twain
91. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
92. “A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.” – Al Jaffee
93. “The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.” – Tom Clancy
94. “They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you that practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.” – Winston Churchill
95. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

Enjoy these quotes and remember that sometimes, a touch of weirdness can bring humor and lightness to your day.