Funny Quotes: A Collection of Quick Laughs and Amusing Insights

Everyone loves a good laugh, and funny quotes can inspire just that. These amusing words of wisdom not only bring a smile to your face but also impart valuable life lessons. From inspirational quotes that motivate you to face challenges with a sense of humor to quips that boost happiness and confidence in yourself, funny quotes have a little something for everyone.

Laughter truly is the best medicine, and delving into the world of humor is a great way to enhance your well-being. By taking the time to explore this compilation of quotes, you can inject a healthy dose of joy into your life while picking up some incredible advice along the way. So go ahead, dive right into this treasure trove of funny quotes, and learn to embrace the bright side while carrying a heartwarming smile with you.

Life and Success

Embracing Life

1. Elbert Hubbard once wrote, “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”¹ This quote inspires you to embrace life with a lighthearted approach, enjoying each moment and not worrying too much about the future.

Journey to Success

2. On the topic of success and hard work, Vince Lombardi humorously stated, “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.”² Reminding you that determination and focus are essential for your journey to success.

3. In thinking about ambition and goals, the humorous wisdom of the Dalai Lama comes to mind: “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”³ This quote encourages you not to underestimate your own potential and to keep trying, even when faced with challenges.

Quotes and Comedy

Humorous Wisdom

1. Wit is the lowest form of humor. – Oscar Wilde. You can always count on witty remarks from the likes of Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde to bring both humor and wisdom to any situation. They remind us that even in the most serious moments, a light-hearted approach can offer valuable insights.

Quips About Love and Friendship

2. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. – H. L. Mencken. Your favorite comedians, from George Carlin to Ellen DeGeneres, have shared relatable quips about love and friendship. For example, Albert Einstein once claimed, Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

3. It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. – Marlene Dietrich. Lucille Ball and Elbert Hubbard have also shared humorous thoughts on cherished friendships, as well as the love between fools and laughter.

The Lighter Side of Life

4. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard. Some comedians, like Lily Tomlin and Groucho Marx, tend to focus on the lighter side of life with their funny quotes. Smiles and laughter are healing, as Jerry Seinfeld so brilliantly states, You can only go forward in life, like a canoe or a helicopter.

5. It’s always funny when you see someone running and they have no idea why they’re running. That’s comedy. – Phyllis Diller. Will Rogers, Rita Mae Brown, and George Burns also make us chuckle with their light-hearted takes on life’s ups and downs. Our admiration for these witty comedians is perfectly summed up by Joan Rivers when she said, I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good or bad. I just like the idea of things happening.

Work and Ambition

Professional Endeavors

1. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. – John Gotti.

2. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. – Bill Gates.

3. My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work. – Anonymous.

Hard Work and Determination

1. If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock. – Claude McDonald.

2. The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. – Sarah Brown.

3. Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring. – Source.

Remember, laughter at the office is key to maintaining a healthy work environment. These quotes will surely add a bit of humor and inspiration to your work life, helping you achieve your career goals with wit and determination.

Quote Lists

Quotes 1 – 25

In this collection, you’ll find funny quotes about life, success, money, age, love, work, marriage, happiness, confidence, and advice. Here are some of the best funny quotes gathered from various sources:

1. I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.
2. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
3. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
4. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
5. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
6. The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and putting things in it. – Oscar Wilde
7. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
8. Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably sht.*
9. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
10. Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
11. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. – Oscar Wilde
12. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates
13. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream.
14. Success is like toilet paper; it only seems important when you don’t have any.
15. Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.
16. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
17. You cannot make everyone happy. You’re not an avocado.
18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
19. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
20. Don’t be afraid to stand out in a world full of copies.
21. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
22. I intend to live forever or die trying.
23. Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
24. Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
25. I find television very educating. Every time someone turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx

Quotes 26 – 50

In this section, you’ll find more entertaining and witty quotations about life, love, work, and various other topics. Enjoy these funny quotes:

26. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
27. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
28. I’m great in bed; I can sleep for days.
29. I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake.
30. When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
31. In the end, everything will be okay. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
32. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
33. I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
34. I’m as happy as a tornado in a trailer park.
35. Sometimes I take a bath because it’s harder to drink wine in the shower.
36. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
37. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
38. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
39. I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
40. Always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.
41. I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need if I die by four o’clock this afternoon.
42. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
43. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
44. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
45. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
46. I’m not shy, I’m just really good at figuring out who’s worth talking to.
47. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
48. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.
49. Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. – Laurell K. Hamilton
50. I’m so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

Quotes 51 – 75

Here’s another set of humorous quotes to brighten up your day:

51. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
52. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
53. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
54. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
55. Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
56. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
57. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
58. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
59. Age is just a number…which is directly proportional to the number of health issues you have.
60. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
61. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
62. Why do they call it a crush? Because that’s how you feel when they don’t feel the same way in return.
63. I am not lazy, I am on energy-saving mode.
64. Running away from your problems is a race you will never win.
65. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
66. It’s better to be late than to arrive ugly.
67. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
68. *I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug

Footnotes

1. https://thegoalchaser.com/funny-inspirational-quotes-about-life/ ↩

2. https://www.overallmotivation.com/quotes/funny-quotes/ ↩

3. https://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/funny-motivational-quotes/ ↩